Why, Bellatrix?
by NOXlumos
Summary: it starts with one little girl left in the rain...Why did Bellatrix chose to become so...evil?
1. Rain

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, setting, or originating ideas. Those all belong to the genius, J.K. Rowling. A/N: This does not express me or my opinions, it is fanFICTION.  
  
Why, Bellatrix?  
  
Chapter 1: Rain  
  
Life will be deadly dull without her, I thought as I watched the red steam engine pull away from the platform. Nearby my mother and father had already left, neither eager, proud nor happy to see their daughter off to Hogwarts for the first time. But then again, why should they be happy? The only things that concerned my mother and father were ministry issues, their appearance and social status. Nothing important, trifling matters.  
I wrenched my eyes away from the tracks that had been empty for a minute, hurrying after my parents. Outside the station rained poured down, soaking me in the minute it took to reach the car. The Rolls-Royce was shiny and hard, like my parents. And expensive.  
Rain pelted the window as we drove home. I pressed my face up against the glass, my nose smudging it. On the empty leather seat beside me were the remaining impressions from where, half an hour earlier, one of the only people in this world who loved me had sat.  
The car came to a sudden halt at a light. Outside were black figures bent against the wind and rain, all hurrying past us. None of them realizing that I was inside this car, lonely and sad. They only hurried by, like ants, past the windows of the shops.  
We continued on, past Trafalgar Square, Lord Nelson still standing as serenely as ever atop his column. How could the world continue so smoothly? Without a single interruption?  
Lost in my thoughts I didn't realize that we were home until the car doors slammed, and the voices faded. I jerked out of my reverie and pulled the handle on the door. It wouldn't work, they had locked the doors. Did they forget I was still in the car? If they had I wouldn't be surprised, it wasn't the first time.  
I scrambled into the front seat, scraping my knee across a wire. After several moments of wriggling I was able to open the door, and slide out onto the gravel drive.  
Standing up shakily, I made my way up the walk to our house. Large flowering shrubs were waited down with rain, bowing low to the elements. Standing on the step I knocked on the door, praying for it to open. When it didn't I knocked harder, yet still no one opened it. I banged harder and rang the bell. Why did no one answer the door? Did no one realize I was still out here? 'But then, why should they?'A nagging voice kept telling me, 'it's not as if they actually care about you'. Which was true. No one cared. Miserably I curled up on the step, huddling against the rain. No one cared.  
I shook with the cold as I sat on the doorstep. Around me the rain continued to beat mercilessly on the plants and gravel. I wished I could beat out my frustration, loneliness and anger upon the world. Like the rain.  
I do not know how long I sat like this curled up, drenched, cold and miserable, waiting for someone to open the door. It felt like hours. I had given up hope that they would find me. I sat there curled, powerless. Cold, wet, angry, rain, cold, numb, lonely, sad, wet, numb....... 


	2. Fever

Chapter 2: Fever  
  
"It's a mercy she didn't die from the cold and damp." The bossy voice comes thick and slurred through my mind, still numb. I think I've heard it before, it's...  
"I'm sure she will be fine." It's a deep voice, low, fatherly....  
"You're leaving, sir?" so familiar.....  
"I have important matters to see to." And he is gone. And that was the closest I ever got to my father. He came, now when I could neither recognize, see or speak to him.  
A chill sweeps my body and I shudder, eyes fluttering open. My head feels ready to split, and I am both hot and cold at once. Great spasms of pain sear across my body, and I ache, as though I was beaten in a butter churn.  
The room is empty, my room. In the fire place is a blaze, who's heat I cannot feel. They left me. I want to cry out, to have someone there. But I know they don't care enough, not enough to hold my hand through feverish dreams, just enough to make sure I survive, in body.  
The door opens again, and in bustles Martha, the good natured, and motherly servant who runs the house. That is, aside from Nathan, my father's butler and steward. She has always been kind to me, but knows it is against my family's customs for me to talk to her. But right now, I want to hug her, to have her squeeze back, and to sob into her shoulder about the injustice of it all.  
"Ah, Miss, awake-don't try to move, you'll be in bed at least a week. That's a glorious fever you caught." She comes over, feeling my forehead, tucking blankets. "I thought you knew better than to get caught out in the rain." She chides good naturedly.  
"I didn't." I mumble, but either she doesn't hear or take notice.  
She pulls a dark blue bottle from her apron pocket. Taking a goblet from the bedside table she fills it with a dark red liquid. The potion steams ominously, as I take it in shaking hands. It's fiery flavour and feel make me reel with the pungency.  
"There, there." Martha says soothingly, patting my back and checking to make sure I drank all of the vile substance.  
Immediately I begin to feel drowsy. I sink back into the large pillows of my bed, dimly aware of Martha leaving, but it's all so nebulous.  
The door opens again, it's my sister. I'm up out of bed in a minute, filled with joy.  
"Follow me." She says.  
It is unlike her not to respond, but my pleasure is to strong, I follow her into the hall and out onto the landing of the stairs. The light of the fire in the parlour fills the front hall with a warm glow, but aside from that all else is dark. The two of us move, wraith like, down the stairs and into the parlour. The corners of the room are black in shadow. My sister stops at the center of the room, and turns to face me. Behind her the shadows move. A shadow thicker than the rest detaches itself and glides towards her. I try to scream out, but I am to late. The shadow is on top of her, smothering her. I stand transfixed and horrified as her flesh seems to melt away. Her bones gleam white, but quickly turn black. Her face comes out of the shadow, melting to reveal a hideous monster. Red eyes glaring and gleaming teeth bared. It tires to reach out it's hand, for me. It tries to move....  
I sit up in bed screaming, screaming.  
"It got her!" I sob, crying and screaming. I do not realize Martha's hands are around my shoulders.  
"Narcissa, Narcissa, I'm sorry." I sob into her shoulder. It's my fault, I didn't warn her it was behind her.  
Martha tries to comfort me "Shh, shh, calm down, breath, it was only a nightmare, Bellatrix" 


	3. Cookies

A/N: sorry, forgot about andromeda, so we'll just stick her out of the way, hehehe...  
  
_Chapter 3: Cookies_  
  
Narcissa and I only saw our parents on Sunday nights, not counting peeking through the banisters. Even those "family sit downs" were rare. They were usually at a party, or hosting one. We used to pretend we were one of those lovely ladies, my sister and I. We would dress up all fancy and dance around our room. But those days were over, she had escaped, at last, away from this dreary and dreadful house. Gone.  
Andromeda was several years older than both of us. She was in her fifth year now, I hardly saw her, and she had grown distant, further and further away from Narcissa and I. She didn't seem to remember hiding in blanket tents late into the night, or plotting against the governess, Ms. Marchpolan.  
But what did that matter? The greatest joy in life was when we visited our cousins. Auntie didn't care if we screamed and shouted as we ran around the halls. We would go each Saturday, by floo powder, that odd spinning sensation, and then I would fall out of the fire place. Out of the fire place and into the arms of my cousins Sirius and Regulus Black.  
It was very different today. I stood alone in the parlour as Ms. Marchpolan instructed me one last time to be on my very best behaviour and not to bother Auntie. I didn't even bother to listen, I had heard this speech hundreds of times before. In fact, I'm sure that if I bothered I could have recited along with her.  
I took a pinch of floo powder from the ornate box on the mantle an threw it into the empty grate. I large green fire roared up, warming my face and blowing back my hair. I used to love that feel, it had meant that for a few hours I would be away from this terrible house. But now, without Narcissa by my side it felt empty. I stepped into the fireplace and trying not to choke shouted out my destination.  
"Number twelve Grimmauld Place!"  
The world spun crazily, I tucked in my elbows and squeezed my eyes shut. But in an instant it was past and I came shooting out of the fireplace in the kitchen of my cousins house. I fell into the arms of Regulus, who caught me deftly and spun me around.  
I laughed, the first time I had felt happy in days, and hugged him. We both knew how lonely the other felt. Sirius had started his first year at Hogwarts along with Narcissa. Each of us were positive that the other's position couldn't be as bad as our own, though.  
We tried to play hide-and-seek, but it was no fun without Sirius and Narcissa. Sirius was the best at it, he seemed able to sniff us out. I might be hiding in a closet, and he would come into the room, make a show of looking under the bed, and then turn and say "Why don't you come out of that closet Bella?". I never wasted my best spots on him.  
We gave up trying to play after a few minutes and instead went down to the kitchen to make cookies. Kreacher, their kind house elf, helped us, he scurried around, pulling faces just to make us laugh, and brought over the flour and sugar. When we cut them out we were sure to make our whole family. There were two older kids, a boy and a girl, and the two younger, also a boy and a girl. We had Auntie and Uncle, and even a small elf one for Kreacher. This was my real family, these little pieces of dough before me.  
In the afternoon we wandered around the house looking at the old artefacts. We weren't allowed to touch them, unless we asked Auntie and she said we could, but it was ever so much fun to make up stories about them. Regulus was best at this, he had an imagination.  
"Look, see this Bella," he pointed to a vial containing human blood, "I bet it once belonged to a king, and he killed a wizard, so as payback the Wizengamot drained his blood and put a curse on it."  
"How do you know? I can't see a curse." I like to see the facts.  
"I just know," he smiled, "I can tell because of my special powers."  
"What type of special powers?"  
"Dunno, I won't find out until I grow up. But this curse," he gestured towards the bottle, "has killed many people since."  
"What type of curse?"  
"Well, for one thing, anyone who drinks it, will be drained of any magical power. And," he lowered his voice to a whisper, "their blood will slowly seep through the soles of their feet, till their just dry and empty."  
I shuddered involuntarily. This was so creepy.  
"That can't be so bad." I tried to smile as if it didn't matter to me.  
"Well, of course it isn't as bad as what this ring over hear does."  
"What?" I was positively jumping up and down with excitement.  
"Anyone who wears it will forget all loyalty."  
"What's so bad about that?"  
"It's the worst thing a wizard can do, betray his fellow wizards, allow mudbloods to wander free, protect muggles."  
He was right, all those things were terrible. Auntie had always taught me, that mudbloods and muggles were bad, and she was right, they were inferior to purebloods, real witches and wizards. 


	4. Train Friends

_Chapter 4: Train Friends_

The steam engines whistle sounded shrilly. I hugged Aunty one more time and Sirius, Narcissa, Regulus and I boarded the train together. Sirius went off to find his new friends. I didn't understand how he could've made such good friends and forgotten his family. He was the first Black to be sorted into Gryffindor in over a century. There was one a while back who was in Ravenclaw, but aside from that I did not know of any other aberrations.

Even Narcissa had new friends, she went off to join them, telling us where she would be if we needed her. That left Regulus and me to find a compartment. We wandered down the aisle, peering through windows. At the very back of the train was an empty compartment. I opened the door and dragged in my trunk.

Outside the window the houses were fading quickly from view. Buildings were soon replaced by rolling green fields. Regulus and I sat in silence each awed by the experience awaiting us. I was ecstatic to be going to Hogwarts. I would finally be leaving my terrible home and going somewhere. Somewhere. The word rolled around deliciously in my mouth.

Our compartment door opened, and Narcissa poked her head through.

"Are you two alright?"

We both nodded, and she left glad to go back to her friends. Regulus stood up stiffly and stretched, gazing out the window.

"I'm hungry, how about you?"

I hadn't thought about hunger, I was just so pleased to be carried by a rocking train further and further away from my old life.

"Why don't we take a walk up and down the train?"

He phrased it as a suggestion, but we both knew that he meant "lets go find some other people to talk to."

"I pulled the compartment door open and looked up and down the hallway.

"Let's go."

We passed several compartments, all full of happy occupants. Laughter came from one up ahead. I recognized the laughter, it was Sirius's, his inconspicuous bark-like laugh. I raced to the compartment, eager to see him. But, suddenly everything was wrong, my world started to reel, and I clutched at the wall to steady myself. He was not sitting with the group of Slytherines I had expected. Instead he sat there in the presence of a _Potter_, and some other's I did not recognize, but just the same, shunners of the life we lived, as true wizards. Anger choked me, I saw his startled face look up. There was surprise in his eyes.

I didn't think, I did. Unconsciously my wand had reached my hand. The train gave an extra large jolt and rock as their compartment door was blasted apart. I aimed a hex at Sirius, but Regulus stopped me, pulling me back. Furious I turned and ran back to our compartment, slamming the door and sealing it, before Regulus caught up.

My mind was in utter turmoil, my thoughts racing and reeling around my head. How could he? How? How could he betray our world, our family, everything wizards stood for?

An announcement was made, we'd soon be arriving at Hogwarts. I stood up from the corner of the compartment where I'd finally dozed off after my encounter of Sirius and the following turmoil. I stretched stiffly and began to gather up my things.

Regulus was gone, I didn't know where to. I started to feel bad about abandoning him, but I had been so upset. All the anger of the past hours came back to me, the fury that Sirius had betrayed our family, and heritage, the race of pureblood wizards. The train rolled to a stop, and I opened the compartment door, glancing up and down the corridor where everyone was moving about and exiting the train. I followed suite, and left the train.

Outside the night was cold and clear, the stars shone brightly in and inky sky. People shoved and pushed me, and the moved along the platform, I sent little stinging hexes in their direction. A boy crammed up next to, scrunched in the small space. _How dare he?_ This filthy mudblood, squeezing next to me like that, it wasn't decent.

I heard a husky voice calling, "Firs' years this way! Firs' years!"

I moved along the platform until I came to the man who'd been calling. He was a huge barbaric spectacle, three times the size of a normal man. I could tell by the light of the lantern that he had a huge beard, black and a mass of knots, no doubt filthy and infested. At a glance it was easy to tell that he was half-giant. A mixed-breed, not a suitable wizard. Why would the school hire such a disgrace to wizards? He didn't belong here.

The barbarian lead us to little boats at the edge of a great lake. I found myself sharing one with two snivelling, scared boys. I cast them a contemptuous glance.

The boat ride up to the castle was magical beyond belief. Shortly after we set off in the dark water, the lights of the castle reached us. The picture was beyond description. The castle tall and majestic loomed above us, both welcoming and forbidding, it's lights reflected in the dark lake.

The boats pulled into a kind of harbour, under the castle, that had been built into the hillside. I stepped out and followed the group up the stairs, and through a large doorway. My life at Hogwarts had begun.


	5. Sorted

A/N: once again I would like to remind the reader that I do not share any of the views expressed. Actually, I'm rather anti-Slytherine/pureblood/death eater, etc.

_Chapter 5: Sorted _

Up a steep flight of stairs, and into a corridor, already people around me were nervous. They all whispered to each other about what would happen. I held my head high and stood aloof from their anxieties. No matter what faced us beyond the double doors ahead, if my treacherous cousin could face it, I, Bellatrix Black, still true to my family and race, definitely could.

"I hear they make you perform some spell." A dark haired girl murmured.

"No, no, you 'ave to pass a mountain troll, my brother, 'e told me tha'."

"What do you think?" the mudblood who had bumped me on the platform asked.

"I think they should throw out filthy mudbloods like yourself, it's not decent bringing scum like you in, especially not when there are so many good pure wizards." I sniffed and turned away, leaving him open mouthed with stupidity.

A stately woman with greying hair tied in a tight knot at the top of her head, and small square spectacles, came thorough the doors. Immediately the knot of people were silenced.

"Good evening, I am Professor McGonagall, the sorting ceremony is about to begin. You will be sorted into a house, of which there are four, all of equal merit. A house point system is in place, points will be awarded and deducted, the house with the most points at the end of the year will win the house cup. Please follow me."

She lead us through the doors into a large hall. I heard the gasps from those around me. It was a lovely room, the high vaulted ceiling mirrored the night sky outside. Four long tables were placed in a row, one for each house. The staff table was at the front of the room on a raised dias.

At the center of the table sat an ancient looking man with a long silver beard. I knew who he was-Albus Dumbledore, the worst headmaster Hogwarts had had in a very long time. As I stared at the man of who I'd heard so much I thought I could see the craftiness in his expression, the will to overturn the accepted and proper order of the world. It was a shame that I would face Hogwarts with him as headmaster.

Professor McGonagall brought out a three-legged stool with an ancient looking hat on it. I heaved a great sigh of relief when I heard all we had to do was try on the hat, secretly I had been quite anxious.

I stood in line as the sorting began, but all to soon my name was called.

"Black, Bellatrix."

I wiped my sweaty palms on my robes and walked hesitantly forward, my entire focus shifted to the sorting hat. I sat down on the stool, and glancing around put on the hat. A little voice seemed to speak in my ear. _Loyalty to race, eh? Betrayal? You'll learn. Bravery, and oh my, yes, I see, well well. _ Slytherine, I thought, Slytherine, don't betray m, please, Slytherine. _Hmm, yes, you'll do well, but be warned..._

"SLYTHERINE!" the hat shouted.

I stood up shakily and placed it back on the stool, the Slytherine table was cheering, and I made my unsteady way to it and sat down by my sister.

"Wonderful, Bella! You got sorted!" She hugged me.

I looked at the people around us. They were all older than I. At a glance I could tell that they were purebloods; already I was noticing the different families represented at this table: Goyle, Nott, Avery and of course Black.

Shifting my attention back to the cermony I watched as Regulus went up to be sorted. He placed the hat on his head. Almost immediatly I saw his face whiten, he gripped the stool, knuckles white. My stomach dropped. He wasn't going to be in Slytherine, he would join Sirius in Gryffindor and be another betrayal to the family. A few seconds later the hat shouted out "SLYTHERINE!" I heaved a huge sigh of relief and watched as he got down shakily and walked to our table. Collapsing beside me I hugged him. He smiled weakly, I could tell that he was trying hard not to shake.

I didn't bother to watch the rest of the Sorting, but rather sat scanning the faces of the hall. It struck me how few purebloods were present. The majority of them were sitting at our table. I would estimate that most of the students were half-bloods. But still, the number of mudbloods present was astounding. I had heard that Dumbledore had been lax in his acceptance of students, but I hadn't realized that it was this bad.

"Don't worry," Narcissa told me, recognizing my look, "you won't have that many classes with them. They're not a problem."

"The worst is that they don't recognize a wizard when they see one and never show the proper respect." Drawled a voice to Narcissa's left. I looked around her and saw a handsome boy with white blond hair.

He held out his hand to me, "Lucious, Lucious Malfoy" I shook his hand.

"Bellatrix Black" A Malfoy! One of the best known families, aside from ours, and a cousin. How splendid to be acquainted with some one of such status. But, that's what my parents would think, they would love to know that their daughters had the chance of being invited to a function of the Malfoys, after all, they always were.

"Lovely to meet you Bellatrix," he continued, ever a gentleman, "I know of your family, cousin, and have of course heard a good deal about you from Narcissa." I looked at Narcissa, who smiled and turned back to Lucius.

"She's really quite perfect," she told him, "knows more spells than I do probably." Lucious smiled and nodded. I would have liked to say something more, but at that moment food appeared on the plates. I hadn't realized how hungry I was, Regulus and I each took large helpings of the steak and kidney pie in front of us, conversing in low tones about the affluent families around us.

" Of course," Regulus pointed out, "we're just as good as any of them. Blacks are one of the oldest and most respected noble houses."

I felt more content that I had in a long time, sitting in the Great Hall, at a table of good wizards and witches. I was looking forward to what adventure might come my way.


	6. Transfiguration

_Chapter 6: Transfiguration_

"So then in 1546, Godfrey the Ghoulish began a petition for greater goblin rights..." Professor Binn's voice droned on and on, ceaseless in its boring monotone. Twenty minutes into class I had given up taking notes. I hoped all the classes at Hogwarts weren't as boring as this. Goblin rebellions, please! kill me first. I was particularly looking forward to Defence Against the Dark Arts. I couldn't wait to tackle some curses.

Finally, an era later, the bell rang signalling the end of class. I jammed my quill and parchment into my bag, and throwing it on my shoulder strode out of the classroom. The problem was, once in the hall I wasn't quite sure which way to go. Where was transfiguration anyway? I scanned the crowd in the hall, hoping to find someone to ask. Leaving a classroom ahead of me was someone with blond hair, Lucius Malfoy. I pushed forward, coming up beside him.

"Excuse me," I asked timidly, "which way is it to the Transfiguration room?"

Blue eyes turned on me. Lucius smiled in a friendly manner. "Take the left ahead, go up the staircase on the right for two flights, continue down the corridor until you pass the tapestry of the unicorn make the next two rights and it'll be dead ahead." He smiled and took the right, I turned left.

I carefully followed his instructions, but somehow I couldn't find the unicorn tapestry. I doubled back, searching the walls for it. Suddenly I noticed how similar all the corridors looked, and the doors. Where were the stairs I came up?

I tried the first door I came to in whatever hall I was in. It was locked. So was the second, and the third. But the fourth opened.

I gazed into what was obviously the trophy room. Cases full of glittering gold cups and silver plaques filled the room. I was fascinated, looking into the first case I read the names on the plaques, "Henry Odggins, Special Service to the School; Camilla Barry, Head Girl Award; Tom Riddle, Special Service to the—" a cough disturbed me. I spun around, facing the most hideous human being I'd ever seen.

"Well, well, skipping class already?" He asked, jeering, an ugly brown cat rubbed against his ankles.

"Sorry—I was looking for Transfiguration and got lost..." my voice trailed off. His eyebrows rose, and he glowered at me.

"Transfiguration, eh? Follow me."

He set off down the hallway, I followed, nearly tripping over the cat. She turned large eyes on me. The man opened a door at the end of the hall, and we went up a staircase, emerging into a well lit corridor.

"Transfiguration," he pointed to the second door, "and don't let me catch you skipping again."

"I wasn't—" but he had already turned and retreated down the hallway.

I walked to the door, nervous about being late. Pushing it open I found I wasn't the only one who'd lost my way. Six or seven chairs were still empty. Proffessor McGonagall looked up from her desk.

"Bellatrix Black,"

"Yes," and since she didn't ask for further explanation I gave her none, but assumed a seat towards the back of the room.

Transfiguration was better than History of Magic, but not by much. At least we got to do something—that is most of the class tried to do something. I despair of ever learning anything useful here, or really interesting, seeing as how most of the class was entirely inept.

I looked down at the needle before me which had moments before been a match stick. Regulus had succeeded and was levitating his needle slightly off the desk. Looking around the room I picked out the other two students who were doing well. A brown haired girl two tables to my left had finished and was looking around as I was. Across the room, a boy with dirty-blond hair was idly turning the needle over in his hand, watching his table-partner try unsuccessfully to transfigure his own match. He glanced up as I was regarding him and our eyes locked, he grinned and I smiled in return, enjoying the obvious joke about our classmates.

When the class was finished I met up with him at the door.

"Rodger Prince" he said and leaning in towards Regulus and me, he added, "load of dunces aren't they? I wonder how they know which way is up?"

Regulus smiled, and introduced himself.

The three of us made our way down to the Great Hall, which was already filling with students even though it had been just moments since the bell rang.

"What about that other girl, the one with the brown hair, who was good?" I asked.

"Oh, I already talked to her, Alasta Parkinson, not a bad family, though not very old" Rodger told us as we took a place along the table. "So that leaves us with Defence Against the Dark Arts, Potions and Charms this afternoon."

"I heard from a second year that the Potions-master, Slughorn, plays favourites." Said Regulus.

"Well in that case how hard will it be?" I asked.

It turned out that Defence Against the Dark Arts was all one big joke. Or at least the first day was, since I sincerely hoped it would improve. However, prospects were grim, it seemed like we'd emerge with enough information to defend ourselves from a puffskein. I should've gone to Durmstrang, maybe then we could've learned useful stuff.

The most interesting part of the day was after classes, in the common room. The Slytherines were an interesting lot. Nearly everyone was fairly intelligent, Crabbe and Goyle, two hulking seventh years seemed to be the exception though.

After dinner Regulus, Rodger, Alasta, and I would sit around a table working. Aside from our school work we dedicated much of our time to curses and magic that we figured we wouldn't be learning in school.

Slytherine was perfect for me, for us; the Black family didn't belong anywhere else. Every time I passed Sirius in the hall I pointedly ignored him, after all, he had betrayed the loyalty.


	7. Sirius

_Chapter 7: Sirius_

I was not enjoying the summer holiday. Even if Hogwarts wasn't exactly living up to my expectations, it was better than being shut in a house with my parents for two-and-something months. Narcissa used to be my sole companion during the summer, all year round, but now with all her school friends, she didn't spend much time with me. Alasta was going to be gone most of the break, Poland or something. I had hoped to see Rodger, but that didn't seem to work either. The only one I could talk to was Regulus.

Regulus hadn't seemed at all thrilled to go home. Apparently Sirius never told Auntie what house he was in. Regulus was the one who spilled the beans. Auntie wanted to right to Dumbledore and make him change Sirius's house, she was shocked to learn that he _liked_ Gryffindor and _would not_ change to Slytherine. Sirius hadn't gone home for Christmas. When he finally did show up, Regulus told me about the shouting matches and how angry his parents had been. Rightly so, how could a Black disgrace the family and become a Gryffindor?

I was sitting with Regulus in their kitchen, when Sirius stormed in, not looking at us. We weren't on speaking terms with him anymore.

"Better go," Regulus whispered to me out of the corner of his mouth, "there'll be some nastiness any minute now." As we left the room, Auntie came barging through the door.

"How can you sit in my house so ungratefully? Denying your family!" she shrieked at him. We could hear every word resounding as we sat on the steps in the hall.

"I told you, I belong in Gryffindor, the hat made that decision."

"Well, we'll just owl Dumbledore and have a little chat to set that straight."

"I told you, the first time we discussed this, I'm happy where I am."

"No son of mine will turn his back on his family and pedigree."

"I don't want any part of your family loyalties, you lot are obsessed with being 'pure bloods,' leave me out."

"Disowning us, you ungrateful wretch!"

And it went on and on. Every time I was at their house there was the same argument, same insults and shrieks. Every day. Auntie was getting worried, worn thin. Sirius would not listen to reason. He continually disowned everything we stood for. Befriended mud bloods, said we were creeps to immerse ourselves in the dark arts. No one knew how bad it would get.

I had just finished my fourth year. Regulus and I were in the library, pouring over a book of nasty transfiguration curses, when we heard the shrieking upstairs. I paused, listening, and then returned to the affreuxian curse, we were all used to the constant shouting. Uncharacteristically however, I heard a loud thumping down the stairs, then someone shouted "the Potters." There was silence, but only for a few moments. Auntie started to scream.

I had never heard her sound so awful. Regulus and I looked at each other, his face was white, and we dashed into the hall.

Auntie was on the stairs, screaming and shrieking, pointing her finger at the empty fireplace where a fire was just beginning to die. She ran down the stairs and into the front parlour. Regulus and I followed.

I watched in fascinated horror as she approached the large and wonderful Black family tree tapestry. She was silent now, and held her wand out, trying to steady her hand. Then screeching she pointed her wand at Sirius's name, yelling curses. I stared as his name burst into flame, and was soon removed from the tapestry.

She turned to us, her whole frame aquiver and eyes blazing. Slowly she drew herself up, regaining her composure, and walked past us. We watched as she went into the kitchen, before waiting several minutes to follow.

"Mother, what happened?" Regulus spoke first.

"The Blacks are the greatest, oldest, purest wizard family, we are loyal." She looked at us as though in a dream.

"Mother, what happened to Sirius?"

"I have no son named Sirius, know no one of that name." She spat the words at us.

"But, Mother—" she had apparated, leaving us in an empty kitchen.

It wasn't until the next day that I learned what had passed. Sirius had finally let his tongue fly with his thoughts, disowning our family, and finally left taking his trunk with him. As far as Auntie was concerned he was dead, had never existed. Regulus was having more difficulty adjusting. As for me, I hated the traitor and never forgot.


	8. Whispers

I should like to take a moment to thank you for your kind reviews. Also I apologize for spelling errors, spelling, alas, is not something in which I excel.

_Chapter 8: Whispers_

I looked at the little piece of paper in my lap. Carefully unfolding it under the desk so Slughorne wouldn't see it, I read the inscription.

_Think he'd mind if I lit Lucy's chair on fire?_

I looked up grinning at Rodger.

_No, she's useless at potions, he wouldn't care. Wait until history of magic though, we'll need something to end the boredom. Besides, it'll be interesting to see if Binns notices._

His response read: _Your reasoning is unshakable. _I smiled. History of Magic would be fun today.

I was sitting doing a transfiguration essay in the empty common room. Everyone had gone to bed, except for me, I had procrastinated extraordinarily well, and it was only September. The fire was dying, giving the room a dark orange glow. I had only one paragraph left to go, when I heard someone coming up the stairs from the boys' side. I shrank back into my chair, managing to just peer around the edge.

Lucious Malfoy entered the common room. He looked about, and went to the far corner, pulling a piece of parchment out of his robes. He sat down at a table, and began to write furiously. He then paused, uncertain what to pen next.

"Need any help?" I had finally worked up the courage to speak and reveal my presence.

He turned, anger flashing through his eyes. I shrank back. I admired Malfoy far more than any other student at Hogwarts. No, I admired Snape, but not for the same reasons, Snape knew more than all of us combined. Lucious was the leader of our pure-blood pack. He was intelligent, suave, Head Boy. I hated myself in that moment, for causing him to be angry. But, quick as it had appeared his anger subsided.

"Why hello Bellatrix, didn't see you there."

"I was finishing a transfiguration essay, for the third week she's certainly making it feel like the week before exams."

"Yes, McGonagall does load on the work." He took the chair next to mine. Leaning forward he looked over my essay.

"Your bit about vanishing live animals as opposed to objects is good. But be sure to cite the differences between invertebrates and those of us with more backbone."

"Thanks." I scribbled furiously, trying to focus on the paper. Don't look at him, don't look at him, don't look...

My first one-night stand was fun.

The holiday break was not as pleasant as I had hoped. Auntie was grim-faced the whole time. Sirius spent it at the Potter's. Besides the grim mood, the teachers had given us loads of homework. I spent most of the break sitting at the kitchen table with Regulus, sipping mulled cider and puzzling over scrolls of parchment and books. I was most pleased to return to Hogwarts for the second term.

It was towards the end of fifth-year that I first began to hear the whispers. Something was stirring outside the castle walls. Someone was calling together all the purebloods to unite, restore the quality of wizards.

I was sitting with Alasta, Rodger and Regulus when Lucious first told us about the Dark Lord. He said that his father had told him to start spreading word amongst the students. The Dark Lord was out there, no, no one called him by his real name, yes he would write it down, but would we listen please? the Dark Lord wanted to restore the purity of wizards, cast mudbloods out of our world. He was looking for families and dedicated individuals to help progress the new platform.

My friends and I were immediately immersed into this new movement. We met in empty classrooms, the common room, anywhere really, to discuss and plan. The seventh years who were about to graduate, Lucious amongst them, were going to go help the Dark Lord. But we had all been warned not to openly discuss this new development or our plans. Lucious would take up a job in the minister's office, Crabbe in the department of magical law enforcement and so on. We all knew what Dumbledore would say, he loved those mudbloods.

I was excited. I couldn't wait until I left Hogwarts and began to help establish the natural order of things. At home, during the summer holiday, Auntie talked incessantly about the Dark Lord. She wanted Regulus and I to go join him as soon as we could, become one of his elite, the so called "Death Eaters." Meanwhile, we were to do our best in school, study dark magic and gauge the feelings of the other students.

Sixth year started, it would be a great year I thought. Narcissa, a seventh year, was mopey, of course, she missed her boyfriend, Lucious. They had been going out all last year. I was happy for them, Lucious and I had nothing, they, however, glowed in each other's presence.

My own love life was improving as well. Rabastan Lestrange and I were going out, and of course everyone knew. I preened under the inspection of the other Slytherines. Rabastan didn't have the mental capabilities one might have preferred. Actually, he was slow and stupid. But he was a great physical guy. His younger brother, Rodulphus might have been smarter, but he was a twitchy little kid and somewhat loathsome.

Rodger and Alasta had finally fallen into each other's arms. I wasn't quite sure what to think. I loved Rodger—as a friend, he was too good a friend to ever be a romantic interest. I guess I was happy for them.

I had lost contact with Lucious and Snape. I knew they were out doing great deeds. Reports of the Dark Lord came only through the newspapers: 11 dead in Sussex; Muggle mansion sacked; Brothers go missing. I felt confined, like a tiger pacing in a cage. Great things were happening outside the walls of Hogwarts and I wanted so badly to be part of it. But I was stuck here until June, one more year to get through in this wretched school.

Regulus and I crept along the dark corridor. Roaming the halls at night, even if we were seventh years, was still something I didn't want to get caught for. Crossing the great hall swiftly we ducked behind a suit of armour. We slid along the wall gaining the staircase and making it up to the second floor. The library came into sight. As I stepped out to cross the hall, Regulus grabbed my arm and pulled me into a broom closet, and then I heard it, footsteps approaching.

Regulus and I were so squeezed we could barely breathe. We waited silently, hearts pounding, as the footsteps passed and turned a corner. I exhaled audibly. Regulus smiled his arms encircling me, hugging me tightly to his chest. I smiled up into his face, handsome, black hair falling into his eyes. It was a face I loved more than any other, my best friend, dearest cousin. We stood there for several minutes, in each other's arms.

Regulus stuck his head out into the hall, looking for signs of someone. The coast clear we ran across and into the library. Quickly we passed the bookshelves and desks, making our way to the back. The Restricted Section was dark.

"Lumos" we both whispered, our wands lighting.

Walking up and down in the aisles I scanned titles and spines whatever there was to give a clue about the books' contents. Finally I found one that sounded promising "Dark Spells of Attack" it was called. I pulled the heavy volume off the shelf. Further up the aisle I saw Regulus likewise making a selection. I reached into the bag I carried and pulled forth a roll of parchment and a quill. I opened the book and turned through the pages, settling on one that featured a curse and several gruesome illustrations. Setting the parchment over this page, I held the quill upright on the parchment, saying "ecrivus." Immediately the quill began to scratch, copying the page beneath. From down the aisle Regulus grinned at me as he did the same.

Soon ten quills were scribbling, copying curses, jinxes whatever it was that we found to study. When the time came, we would be ready.


End file.
